30 months waiting

I have been busy with school and haven't had a chance to blog.  A few days ago, April 21st, marked our 30th month on the wait list.  I really never thought we would still be waiting but here we are.  We are so thankful to be SO close to getting a referral.  I keep checking my phone just to make sure I haven't missed the call.  I have been listening to Matthew West's new album and I am stuck on this song called, "Waitin' on a Miracle."  You know the times when you hear a song and it speaks exactly to where you are?  That is this song, especially the last verse:

"And my soul longs for the day
When I see the answer to the prayer I’ve prayed
And it’ll all be worth the wait
Waitin’ on a miracle"

Here are the lyrics and a video.   

"I’m down to my last drop of faith
My last ounce of strength
My knees are worn
From waitin’ on a miracle

I’ve prayed, God, I’ve prayed
I’ve stormed the gates in Jesus’ name
Crying out night and day
Just waitin’ on a miracle

But I don’t know how much longer
I can hold out hope tonight
And I wish my will was stronger
But instead I’m just a weary heart
Waitin’ on a miracle

I’ve heard Your hands can calm a raging sea
Can You calm the storm in me?
‘Cause that’s how it feels
When you’re waitin’ on a miracle

But I don’t know how much longer
I can hold out hope tonight
And I wish my will was stronger
But instead I’m just a weary heart
Waitin’ on a miracle

And my soul longs for the day
When I see the answer to the prayer I’ve prayed
And it’ll all be worth the wait
Waitin’ on a miracle" 

A letter

Dear daughter,

I wish I could hold you.  I wish I knew your name.  I wish you had no pain or grief.  I wish this wait would end and our life together would begin.  I wonder what you're doing.  What you like to do, what your favorite foods are, what you like to sing, how you like to be held.  I wish I could tell you how much we have waited and anticipated seeing your precious face.  I feel like you have our hearts already and we haven't even met.  We will never let you go.  We will never stop fighting or praying to have you here with us.  We will never stop praying and praising God for your birth family.  We know that one day...soon...our Heavenly Father will connect us and truly knit our hearts and lives and families together in a way that we could never have imagined.  You are blessed.  You are loved.  You are precious to us.  Your sister is ready for you.  She is eager to love you and teach you anything you want to know.  She longs to hold your hand and share her babies with you.  She cries sometimes because she misses you so much.  She can't explain it but knows that her heart has been aching and been growing closer and closer to you for the past three years.  None of us can explain our connection to you...it's eternal and deep and real...it's beyond our comprehension.  I wipe tears away while I write this and think that one day you might really read this.  I imagine what it will be like to hear another sweet voice in our house and what it will feel like to actually hold you and hug you.  This journey has been harder and longer than I ever imagined.  There is more depth in my life.  There is more dependence on Our Father, the Author and Perfecter of our faith.  There is a letting go....a trust that He is holding you, and me, and all of us together and working it all out for our good and His Glory.  May it be so.

Love from the deepest of places in my heart,
Mommy