October: Welcome to the Cocoon

Since today is the last day of October I thought I would share what we have been up to.  Obviously it's been a crazy and amazing month since October 10th is when Lucy officially came home!  Her Gotcha Day is October 5th.  That was the day that we had her in our arms and didn't have to let her go!  When we came home we were so blessed to have my mom, my grandma, and Brian's mom still here with Isabel.  They stayed for an extra day and spent time with us and were able to meet Lucy.  We were thankful that they were able to come up to where we live and be with Isabel while we were gone.  

After they left, we settled into our "cocoon."  Cocooning is an adoptive term that families use to describe an intense season of care that we give our new baby.  It is a time to make sure Lucy knows that Brian and I are her primary caregivers, that we are here to meet all her needs and that we will not leave her.  Normally when a baby attaches to a parent that baby learns to trust that person and depend on them and know they will meet their emotional and physical needs.  This bond continues UNLESS something happens that disrupts the attachment.  Lucy has experienced much loss.  When a child loses the relationship of a biological parent, there is trauma and something happens that must be repaired.  Lucy has also experienced the loss of her special mothers that cared for her and the only home she knew.  Because of adoption and God's plan for Lucy we are her forever family and we intend to do everything we can to recreate attachment and healing.

That is why we are spending so much time at home cocooning and may seem like we have strict rules.  We (our family of 3) will be the only ones to feed, hold, change, rock, touch, soothe, and play with Lucy.  This might seem a bit harsh since normally when you bring a baby home you want to show them off to the world and everyone wants to hold them and kiss their sweet cheeks!  We totally understand that but because of all of the training and research that we have done regarding adoption and attachment, we know that staying in our "cocoon" for a season is what truly is best for Lucy in the long run.  After all, she has spent practically her entire life (5 months) in a transition home.  Hannah's Hope is an AMAZING place but it is not the same as a family with one mom and one dad.  She was used to several special mothers and care takers tending to her and playing with her.  She did not have a specific "mom" there and so she is having to LEARN that Brian and I are her parents.  Many of you might say, "But she is SO young, surely she'll just adjust."  Being young definitely is an advantage and she is adjusting well but it is not something that will JUST HAPPEN.  It is very intentional.  I will tell you though that we have already seen some amazing growth!  Here are some examples:

• When we first came home, I would feed Lucy her bottle but she would not make eye contact with me for very long.  She was quick to look around the room.  As we have been holding her and talking to her and playing games that encourage more eye contact, I have noticed that she will now stare into my eyes while I feed her.  She will just look up and gaze and it is beautiful!  This is a great sign!

• Normally Brian takes and picks Isabel up from school but one day he had to go out of town for a meeting after he dropped Isabel off SO I had to pick her up.  I was worried about taking Lucy into the school and our school does NOT have a car pick-up line.  Well, she did not like it.  She was very anxious and clearly over stimulated.  She cried BUT she turned to ME and looked up at me and relaxed.  I spoke softly to her and she calmed down and put her face on me.  That definitely shows that she trusts me and looks to me for comfort.  Since then I have had to pick Isabel up one other time....and Lucy did amazingly well!  She was calm but stayed snuggled up close to me.  I always carry her if I have to go somewhere either in the Ergo carrier or just holding her.  It helps her to feel safe and close to me.

• She is sleeping better.  When we first came home Lucy woke up a lot.  Since she is sleeping in our room in a portable crib we are able to respond to her right away.  We don't let her cry and she has learned that every time we will come to her.  She is now resting and sleeping more deeply and peacefully.  

So we are still not going out of the house often and over all Lucy is adjusting well!  We are so thankful for all of the meals that the sweet people from our church have brought us and for all of the grace and understanding they have given us.  It really has been incredible.  We are so so grateful.  We can't give an exact date when we will be going back to church or going out more but we are just taking our time.  We also know that even after we leave the cocoon, there may be times that we need to go back into that stage again.  Attachment is a long process and not something that we expect to see happen in a short amount of time.  We are praying that Lucy continues to attach and adjust well and that God would heal her heart.